he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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