I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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