I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
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