Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
