i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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