Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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