I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize