He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
