Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
