he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize