there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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