apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Randomize
