I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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