in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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