the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
