It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
