I'm eating all of the evidence.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
