Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
worst night to have a conscience
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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