just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
