They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
