she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
