You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
