Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
