to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
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