it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
