i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
