This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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