If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Boobs are out for the taking
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
