So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
