we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
