I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize