i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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