Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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