apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
