Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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