we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
