I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
