Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Randomize
