3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
