Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
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