If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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