Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
my sisters under your porch take her home
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Randomize
