thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
