Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
