Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize