Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
