U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
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