I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize