i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
