I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
