He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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