isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
