The best revenge is premature balding
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize