Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
