He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
