My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
