i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
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