Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
third nipple confirmed
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
