he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
