I accidentally had phone sex last night
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
