My liver just broke up with me...
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
