im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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