Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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