my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
