Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Already got asked if we're dating
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
