No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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