I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
